Finding Motivation for Family Competitions

Suggested Reading: Ecclesiastes 4:4-6, Matthew 6:25-33

In Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Steve Martin plays a father who takes his wife and 10 children on vacation, only to discover that an old rival is also vacationing at the lake with his own family. This other father is rich with a supermodel for a wife and children who all excel in both schooling and sports. Martin's character, driven by jealousy and a competitive desire to prove he is just as good a father, enters his family into a competition against his rival's family. His desire to prove his own worth pushes him to succeed but it also pushes his family away.

Solomon, the likely author of Ecclesiastes, knew something about this dynamic. He records, Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbors. But this, too, is meaningless—like chasing the wind (Ecclesiastes 4:4, NLT). Most of us tend to think we are above "jealousy" but we practice variations called insecurity and self-importance, using what we have accomplished and what we own as our measures. We believe are just as good, just as important, just as worthy as that person over there who has all of the things we think we deserve. We're not "jealous", it's just not fair that that person has what we deserve, especially when they themselves don't deserve it. And so we work to prove what we deserve - the recognition, the higher salary, the leisure time, the perfect family - never realizing that we are working so hard because we are jealous.

But we cannot allow ourselves to be motivated by the things we think we deserve or the desire to prove that we are just as good or worthy as someone else. As believers, our focus is to be building the kingdom of God and our motivation is to be gratitude toward a God who loved us enough to send His Son to save us. Jesus advised us, Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need (Matthew 6:33, NLT) because whenever our thoughts are focused on what we don't have or on what we think we deserve our focus is away from seeking the lost and making disciples. 

What things have you been focused on because you believe you deserve more? A better job? More time off? That new electronic gadget? A spouse who appreciates you more? Don't work so hard to get what you don't have or what you think you deserve. Focus on the Kingdom of God, and God will make sure you have everything you need.

Over-Parenting...

Suggested Reading;  Job 1:1-15

One of my daughter's favorite movies is Cheaper By the Dozen 2. If you've seen the movie, Steve Martin's character becomes very competitive with an old rival and engages in a family-vs-family competition. The rival is one of those really annoying parents. You know, the ones who over-parent, the ones who won't let the child out of sight, who get onto them if they look like they are having a bad thought, who make sure their children only eat certified organic foods (only the ones that are tasteless), and generally don't know how to let their kids be kids.

For some reason, that stereotype came to mind as I was reading the story of Job. Job is described as a man who was "blameless and upright," who "feared God and shunned evil." But Job is also described as a very active parent. Even once his children are grown enough to have their own places, Job would call them together after a party and, after the fashion of the day, "purify them" because Job thought, "Perhaps my children have sinned, having cursed God in their hearts" (Job 1:5, HCSB) Apparently, Job did this regularly. As I kid, I always looked at Job like a paranoid mother who sprays you with Lysol every time you came back from a friend's house just to make sure you didn't bring back any germs. But the passage and everything in it stress that Job was a blameless and upright man, that this was right in the eyes of scripture.

When Job purified his children, he wasn't just trying to make sure that all of the rituals were performed so that they would technically be ok with God. Job was interceding on their behalf, offering burnt offerings for each of them as a mediator and as the one responsible for their upbringing. Job was concerned about the attitudes of their heart and their relationship with God ("cursing God in their heart"). As parents, we have the same obligation that Job had to intercede for our children, to pray for them, seeking God's best for them and, I think, letting them see us do it. We should be concerned about the way our children relate to God and certain that they have been taught what it looks like to be humble and contrite before God.

Unceasing prayer and continuously teaching our children the things of God is not over-parenting. In fact, anything less is under-parenting. Whether they want it or not, our children need it.