Changing the Rules of the Game

Suggested Reading: Matthew 15:1-20

I know it is shocking, but when they were younger my children would occasionally get into fights. One of the things they sometimes fought about was the rules of whichever game that they happened to be playing. They would be playing along, having fun, until one of them decided that the rules didn't work as they were and they would attempt to change the rules of the game right then and there. Most of the time, the rule change was intended to give the one making the change an advantage over the other one, which, in turn, started a fight. "That's not how you play the game!" the other one would yell or cry, and the fight pretty much fueled itself from there.

In the New Testament, Jesus accused the Pharisees of trying to pull the same kind of rule change with the way God wants us to live. Jesus pointed out how they violated God's command to honor one's parents by devoting to the temple the money they would have used to care for their parents in their old age. That gift to the temple, in their minds, freed them from the obligation to care for their parents. Then, speaking for God the Father, Jesus quoted the book of Isaiah and said, "These people honor Me with their lips but their heart is far from me. They worship me in vain, teaching as doctrines the commands of men" (Matthew 15:8-9, HCSB).

Many times, we do the very same things the Pharisees did, and we make up our own rules that we think nullify God's commands. Jesus gave us the example of the Good Samaritan who stopped for a man on the side of the road, but we tell ourselves that we don't have to care for that person because it is more important to be "wise" and not put ourselves in dangerous positions. Jesus prayed for and encouraged unity among his followers, but we decide that we can only be united with other believers if they hold exactly the same doctrinal beliefs that we do. Through the Holy Spirit, Paul insisted that we not demand our own rights when doing so might cause other believers to falter in their faith, but we declare that anyone who is offended by our innocent actions is simply dumb and not our concern. 

Every day, as believers and as local churches, we "change the rules" for our own advantage, so that we don't have to work as hard or so that we can have the things we want, coming up with our own little traditions that give us the right to ignore God's commands.  If we were honest with ourselves, we normally know exactly when we do this because the Spirit pricks our consciences, and we do our best to pretend that nothing is wrong. Sometimes, we even pray for God to send someone else to do what we know we should be doing.  But there are two problems with making up our own rules like that: 1) many of the lost people we are trying to reach know how we are supposed to live and our contradictory behavior communicates that God isn't real to us so God doesn't need to be real to them; and 2) when we ignore God's commands and follow our own rules, we end up hurting ourselves, just like cheating in a game often helps you in the short-term but then messes you up in the next round.

What are the rules you have come up with to relieve yourself of following God's commands? When you feel the Spirit prick your conscience, what rules do you spout to yourself so you have an excuse to ignore God's voice? There is a lost and dying world that needs to see us living life as God commanded, not to mention that we end up hurting ourselves when we ignore God's commands. Let's not come up with our own rules so that we get exactly what we want. Let's not be those people who honor God with our lips but whose hearts are far from him. 

The Dumbest Arguments

Suggested Reading: 2 Timothy 2:8-14

When my kids were young, they argued about the dumbest things. They argued about whether bacon is meat or a pig. They argued about whether enchiladas are Mexican food or normal food. They argued about whether or not a jacket qualifies as a coat. Inevitably, one of them would get convinced of a particular position and the other would be convinced of the opposing opinion and they would argue back and forth until the argument escalated into a fight where they both ended up getting their feelings hurt. Most of these arguments sound stupid on their surface and probably amounted to nothing more than semantics. But, at times, it seemed like they just couldn't help themselves.

Unfortunately, as Christians, we often get into arguments with each other that are essentially the same. We argue about whether God knew we were going to sin or whether we sinned on our own. We argue about whether Christ's death on the cross was substitutionary or conciliatory. We argue about whether this sin is tolerable or whether that behavior is acceptable. We argue about whether the Creation account was literal or whether the author intended us to read it figuratively. We argue and we argue and we argue about things that, many times, don't amount to much more than semantics. We stake our salvation on insignificant things that have nothing to do with God's offer of forgiveness through Christ. We argue over stupid things until we rightfully look like fools to a watching world. So often I want to tell arguing Christians the same thing I tell my kids, "It's ok if he calls a jacket a coat! It's ok if you call enchiladas normal food! You're not responsible for what the other person thinks! You are responsible for behaving and for getting along with each other!"

Paul knew the danger that flows from arguing about every little thing. In 2 Timothy 2:14, Paul warned Timothy, "Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them." (NLT). Some things in Christian theology are worth fighting for. But many of the arguments we get into with other Christians simply are not worth the time and the energy that we put into them. Worse, they do much more harm than good. These silly fights alienate brothers and sisters from each other and drive wedges between us and our partners for the cause of the Gospel; they distract us from the primary goal of reaching a lost and dying world with the love of Christ and cause us to spend all of our energy on a war of words that will ultimately mean very little, if anything.

Hopefully, as my kids grow older, they will learn to pick their battles a little more wisely and argue only about those things that really matter. Hopefully, they will learn to have even those disagreements in a manner that demonstrates they still love each other. But what about the arguments we have with our Christian brothers and sisters? When we get into arguments do we evaluate the significance of the disagreement or do we jump on in regardless of the consequences or the resources we will expend? When we pick an argument, do we carry it out in a spirit of love for each other or are we more concerned with proving that we are "right" and eliminating the other person's "false" perspective?

What have you argued about recently? Have you picked your battles wisely? Or are you wasting precious time and resources on things that don't really matter?

Misunderstood and Angry

Suggested Reading: James 4:1-10

When my son entered preschool, his speech skills had not yet progressed to the same point as most of his peers. For a while, his lack of communication skills caused some problems at school. He would try to talk to people but they couldn't understand his words. As a result the person listening would often get frustrated and give up. That, in turn, would make my son frustrated and angry. He wanted to be understood and nobody but Mom and Dad seemed to be able to understand him. His anger started driving him to lash out, which got him in trouble. Our son's behavior made us grow frustrated and angry until we finally figured out the problem. Once we and his teachers figured out that he just wanted to be understood, we were able to do something about it and address the situation.

In James chapter 4, the early church leader asked the question, What causes fights and quarrels among you?   Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight (James 4:1-2, NIV).  James understood that most of the fighting we do is the result of not getting something we want and God felt the need to codify that sentiment in Scripture because we have a tendency to forget that.  Sometimes, when we get angry or hurt, we understand exactly why we feel the way we do. At other times, however, we just feel angry and want to lash out, sometimes at one person, sometimes at everybody, and we don't know why. James reminds us that we tend to quarrel and fight because we have some desire that is not being met, because there is something we want that we're not getting.

If you find yourself getting angry a lot, if you find yourself fighting and lashing out, and you aren't sure why, instead of assuming that there is just "something about that person" that gets to you or excusing yourself because you are "just tired", take some take time and figure out what you want that you're not getting. Once you figure that out, you may discover that you're being silly, that your desires are unreasonable, or that your anger is perfectly justified and you need to address the situation directly. Or you might just decide it's not worth being angry. Whatever you discover, uncovering the source of your anger is infinitely better than constantly losing your cool or fuming inside and not knowing why.

If you're angry and don't know why, figure out what you want that you aren't getting. Once you know why you're angry, you can start to deal with it.

Goading Jesus Into a Middle School Fight

Suggested Reading: Matthew 4:1-11

In junior high, I had a run in with a student who was much larger than me. I was in the cafeteria before school with a friend who was trying to mess with me by marking on my book covers. I marked on his in return only to discover that the books in front of my friend were not his at all. They belonged to a much larger individual who was not happy with me...and I had unknowingly marked on his Malcolm X doodle.  He wanted me to fight him then and there but I refused, insisting that I had thought the book was my friend's and that I intended no disrespect. When the bell rang, this student followed me down the hall, hitting me in the back of the head every few feet. Later, at lunch, he cornered me and pushed me off the two-foot cement wall I had been sitting on. I "ninja rolled" back into a standing position and sat down as if nothing had ever happened. He was trying to goad me into a fight, attempting to embarrass me and make me angry, and I refused to play his way. I refused to allow him to dictate my actions. Two days later, when I was asked about a rumor that I was a second degree black belt (I wasn't), I simply responded, "That's why I don't have to fight."

I am not the only one who has ever been the object of manipulation, who was goaded by someone wanting a specific response. In Matthew chapter 4, we read the account of the temptations of Jesus. A common theme running through the Devil's first two temptations was an attempt to goad Jesus into doing something. In the first temptation, the devil said,  “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become loaves of bread.” in the second temptation, he said,  “If you are the Son of God, jump off [this cliff]." (Matthew 4:3,6, NLT). In both instances, the devil tried to goad Jesus by getting him to prove himself, but that tactic only works on the insecure, on people who are uncertain of themselves and their gifts. If you are secure in who you are, those kinds of attacks cannot work.

That junior high student was unable to goad me into fighting because I knew who I was and refused to be manipulated. Jesus refused as well, knowing that the enemy's manipulation had no real power and that he had no need to prove himself. This should be our standard mode of operation. We have no need to prove ourselves, we must only be concerned with obeying the Father.

Rest secure in who you are as a child of the Father. Don't let anyone goad you into sin.