Getting Those Annoying Stickers Off My Wife

Suggested Reading: Ephesians 5:15-33

I am a bibliophile. I love books. Because of my wife's restrictions on how many I am allowed to have in the house, most of the books I buy now are eBooks. But when I do buy a book, not only do I expect it to be a good read, but I want it to be in good condition. If I go to a discount book dealer, when I get home the first thing I  do is take off all of those discount stickers that they plaster all over the book and the stickers they put on the spine to let you know that it has been used before. If I have to, I get out Windex and a paper towel and get all of that sticky residue off. If I buy a DVD, I am the same way. I want the book or the movie. I don't want all of that extra junk attached to it and I don't want it to be sticky when I pick it up.  Someone asked me once why I go through all that trouble since the stickers and all that stuff don't actually affect the reading or the enjoyment of the movie. I responded with something to the effect of, "Because they are mine and I want my books and DVDs to be in the best shape possible." I don’t care if anyone else sees them, I don't get them cleaned up so that other people can enjoy the nice, neat way they sit on the shelf. I do it for me.

In Ephesians 5, Paul discusses the way husbands and wives are to interact with each other and he makes a statement that gets overlooked. In 5:25-28, Paul writes, "Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her to make her holy…to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle…In the same way, husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies" (HCSB).  Often we focus on the fact that Christ gave himself for the Church and that husbands ought to love their wives the same way. What we miss is why. Christ gave Himself for the church to present the church to Himself without spot or wrinkle, not for anybody else. Christ didn't do it so that he could show the church off to the world. He didn't do it so that he could gain someone else's approval. He did it so that he could present the church to Himself and husbands are commanded to love their wives the same way.

Many times, we get worked up about how our spouse looks to other people or how our relationship appears to people on the outside, when what we need to be focused on is giving everything of ourselves so that we can see our spouses as spotless and blameless. And, while I know that this statement was made specifically toward husbands, we are all commanded to love people the way that Christ loved us.  

But what does that look like?  Sometimes, it might mean offering forgiveness and taking the consequences for another person's bad behavior on ourselves, just like Jesus did for us. See, though the Spirit of God is at work in us, slowly conforming us to the image of Christ, and though we have not quite been transformed into the image of Christ yet, God loves us and treats us as though we already have been. None of us are perfect as spouses or people, but can you imagine what would happen if we treated people with the same respect and consideration that we would give a perfect person? Can you imagine how people might respond to us if we were to take their mistakes and sins onto ourselves and offer unconditional forgiveness instead?

Loving as Christ loved isn't just about being willing to give of yourself; it is about being willing to look at people like Christ looked at people, not just as what they are, but as what they can be and what God intends for them to be. Not so that they will look good for anyone else, but simply because you love them.  Are you willing to love people that way? If you're married, are you willing to love your spouse that way? 

Looking for Blame in All the Wrong Places

Suggested Reading: Proverbs 19:1-8

When my son was very young, he had a problem with assigning blame to the wrong people. For instance, he would trip because he wasn't paying attention and then say that he had been pushed by whomever was behind him.  Or he would trip into you and hit his nose on your leg because he couldn't stop fast enough and then say that you kicked him.  When something happened that hurt or was unpleasant he couldn't bring himself to understand that he had any responsibility for it. He always assumed it was someone else's fault.  It nearly drove me crazy, but he did grow out of it. Now I can trust that when he says, "Somebody pushed me," that someone probably did push him.

Unfortunately, when it comes to God, many of us never grow out of that stage.  Proverbs 19:3 describes this phenomenon: "A man's own foolishness leads him astray, yet his heart rages against the Lord" (HCSB) . Quite often we get ourselves into messes that we then blame on God.  We mishandle our finances and then blame God for not providing for us better. We ignore our spouse and children and then blame God when our family falls apart.  We  make an unwise relationship decision and then blame God for not bringing the "right" person into our life.

We rationalize our blame of God by saying that God is all-powerful and should have prevented the bad decision or that, God is supposed to be loving and so God shouldn't let us go through heartbreak or difficulty.  When the truth of the matter is, God is honoring our own decisions and letting the consequences of those decisions play out. But we would rather blame someone else than look at ourselves and admit where we've messed up, so we presume to arrogantly blame God for the messes we have created.

Fortunately, when we find ourselves facing the consequences for our actions, God does offer us hope. In 2 Chronicles 7:14 God warns the Israelites that when they suffer the consequences for their own bad decisions that "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land" (NIV).  God offers forgiveness and help in the wake of bad decisions and sinful choices, but we must be willing to "turn from our wicked ways" which is impossible if we can't own up to them. Oh, we may silently admit that we did something wrong and secretly commit to do better, but such commitments never last. Lasting change normally doesn't come until we are able to own up to what we have done rather than feel the need to hide it.

God wants to help us deal with the consequences of foolish decisions, but nothing can change while we are blaming God for our own mistakes. Let's own up to our mistakes and not waste time blaming God.

The Dumbest Arguments

Suggested Reading: 2 Timothy 2:8-14

When my kids were young, they argued about the dumbest things. They argued about whether bacon is meat or a pig. They argued about whether enchiladas are Mexican food or normal food. They argued about whether or not a jacket qualifies as a coat. Inevitably, one of them would get convinced of a particular position and the other would be convinced of the opposing opinion and they would argue back and forth until the argument escalated into a fight where they both ended up getting their feelings hurt. Most of these arguments sound stupid on their surface and probably amounted to nothing more than semantics. But, at times, it seemed like they just couldn't help themselves.

Unfortunately, as Christians, we often get into arguments with each other that are essentially the same. We argue about whether God knew we were going to sin or whether we sinned on our own. We argue about whether Christ's death on the cross was substitutionary or conciliatory. We argue about whether this sin is tolerable or whether that behavior is acceptable. We argue about whether the Creation account was literal or whether the author intended us to read it figuratively. We argue and we argue and we argue about things that, many times, don't amount to much more than semantics. We stake our salvation on insignificant things that have nothing to do with God's offer of forgiveness through Christ. We argue over stupid things until we rightfully look like fools to a watching world. So often I want to tell arguing Christians the same thing I tell my kids, "It's ok if he calls a jacket a coat! It's ok if you call enchiladas normal food! You're not responsible for what the other person thinks! You are responsible for behaving and for getting along with each other!"

Paul knew the danger that flows from arguing about every little thing. In 2 Timothy 2:14, Paul warned Timothy, "Remind everyone about these things, and command them in God’s presence to stop fighting over words. Such arguments are useless, and they can ruin those who hear them." (NLT). Some things in Christian theology are worth fighting for. But many of the arguments we get into with other Christians simply are not worth the time and the energy that we put into them. Worse, they do much more harm than good. These silly fights alienate brothers and sisters from each other and drive wedges between us and our partners for the cause of the Gospel; they distract us from the primary goal of reaching a lost and dying world with the love of Christ and cause us to spend all of our energy on a war of words that will ultimately mean very little, if anything.

Hopefully, as my kids grow older, they will learn to pick their battles a little more wisely and argue only about those things that really matter. Hopefully, they will learn to have even those disagreements in a manner that demonstrates they still love each other. But what about the arguments we have with our Christian brothers and sisters? When we get into arguments do we evaluate the significance of the disagreement or do we jump on in regardless of the consequences or the resources we will expend? When we pick an argument, do we carry it out in a spirit of love for each other or are we more concerned with proving that we are "right" and eliminating the other person's "false" perspective?

What have you argued about recently? Have you picked your battles wisely? Or are you wasting precious time and resources on things that don't really matter?

When Avoiding Pain Gets You Killed By a Comet

Suggested Reading: Numbers 14:11-23

At the end of the movie, Deep Impact, as a massive comet is on a collision course for Earth, one family is stuck in traffic, trying to flee a city where the comet's impact will be felt most deeply. The family had hoped to find refuge in an underground bunker by allowing their teenage daughter to marry her boyfriend who already had a spot in the fallout shelter, but that plan didn't work.  Finally, the teenage husband is able to return for his new wife and finds the family by weaving in and out of traffic on a dirt-bike.  The girl's parents immediately put their teenager and her infant sister on the bike and tell her to leave. She refuses to go. She doesn't want to leave her family behind. They love her, but in order to save her, they insist that she leave, knowing she will be hurt by the loss of her family but hoping she will survive the coming disaster. They intentionally cause her pain, not because they hate her, but because they love her.

Too many people have fallen under the assumption that loving somebody means you never do anything that will cause that person pain. These people would be wrong. Numbers 14:18 tells us, The Lord is slow to anger and rich in faithful love, forgiving wrongdoing and rebellion. But He will not leave the guilty unpunished, bringing the consequences of the fathers’ wrongdoing on the children to the third and fourth generation (HCSB). Upon first looking at this verse, one can see a possible contradiction within it: God is forgiving but doesn't leave the guilty unpunished? Doesn't forgiving mean that you don't punish someone? Absolutely not.

As a father, there are times my children do things that are wrong, things for which I can forgive them. But as a father, I also love them enough that I want to teach them not to make the same mistakes again. So, even though I have forgiven them for what they have done wrong, I still discipline them, not because I am angry with them or because I hate them but specifically because I love them and I want them to learn. Forgiveness doesn't mean consequences shouldn't occur and love doesn't mean that you avoid causing pain at all costs. Some lessons can only be learned through pain and sometimes love means allowing people to face painful consequences so that they will learn. Sometimes the only way to save someone involves allowing something painful to occur. You don't like the pain, but you accept it because it will eventually bring about something good.

Some of us are going through some painful circumstances and wondering if God really loves us because of the pain we are experiencing. I would like to encourage you with a brief paraphrase of Romans 8:38-39: there is no amount of pain you can endure  that will separate you from the love of God. Pain is never pleasant, but it sometimes accompanies things that are necessary and good. If you are struggling with how to respond to someone, don't base your decisions on whether or not someone will be hurt but on what is best for them. Don't ever inflict unnecessary pain, but don't let the possibility of pain keep you from doing what needs to be done. 

Pain is a necessary part of life. Don't avoid it. Keep it in the proper perspective.

Fearing God For His Forgiveness

Suggested Reading: Psalm 130

One of the bad things about vacation, especially if you have things planned to do, is that kids can get really tired and cranky. When they start misbehaving there is a fine line that parents must walk between being disciplinarians and extending forgiveness. If we don't discipline them when they misbehave, they begin to believe that it is acceptable to misbehave. If we are so harsh with our discipline that a transgression is unforgivable and they don't get to do anything they can adopt an attitude of "Well, I've already blown it, what is the point in trying to behave?" When we come down on our kids (especially on vacation), we want them to believe that they stand a chance at forgiveness so that we stand a chance at getting them to behave.

Psalm 130 expresses a similar situation between us and God. Psalm 130:3-4 reads, "Yahweh, if You considered sins, Lord who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness, so that You may be feared" (HCSB). At first, that sentiment seems a little odd. How does offering forgiveness lead to fearing God? But the principle is exactly the same as I described with my children on vacation. If God didn't offer forgiveness, what would be the point in fearing God? We have all sinned at some point, most of us before we truly begin to grasp the consequences. Without the prospect of forgiveness, there is no point in trying to obey God because we are already damned. But if we can be forgiven, then there is a possibility that trying to live right from this point forward will pay off.

As parents, employers, supervisors, and people in authority, there is a tremendous lesson to be learned here. Offering forgiveness does not mean we are weak. Offering forgiveness does not have to undercut our authority. In fact, not offering forgiveness may undercut our authority more. The possibility of forgiveness can be motivation for people to do their best because they understand that one failure does not mean disqualification from the benefits of living and working well. But refusing to offer forgiveness can harden people against us and de-motivate people because there is no longer any point in trying to do things the right way.

But this principle is also significant because it is a logical basis for us to remain grounded in the hope of God's forgiveness. There are times when we think we have messed up so badly there is no point trying anymore, when we think we have disqualified ourselves because we have done something so terrible that forgiveness is no longer an option. If that is where you find yourself, the psalmist reminds us that God offers forgiveness so that we might fear Him. God would rather forgive you and bring you back onto the straight and narrow than condemn you. God is more interested in you living right from here on out than in punishing you for the misdeeds of the past.

"Yahweh, if You considered sins, Lord who could stand? But with You there is forgiveness, so that You may be feared." God wants to forgive us. Will we accept forgiveness or harden ourselves for no reason? Will we offer this same forgiveness to those around us?

Destroying Talking Lego Buildings

Suggested Reading: Romans 9:14-29

I've always loved watching the difference between the way little girls play with Legos and the way little boys play with them (please forgive the stereotyping I'm about to do based on my experience). Little girls like to build something and then play with it and admire it. While boys sometimes do that as well, little boys are just as likely to build something for the sole purpose of destroying it. They enjoy putting something together just so they can knock it down and I admit I did the same thing when I was a little boy. When girls and boys play together this can lead to conflict, and eventually to separate building endeavors. Often I hear the little girls ask the question, "Why do you build it if you're just going to knock it down?" and just as often I hear the boys respond with something like, "I built it. I can knock it down if I want to."  Imagine for just a moment, though, if one of those Lego construction projects suddenly spoke up and said, "You can't knock me down! I have rights!" While children might stop and wonder at the suddenly speaking legos, they might just as easily laugh and say, "Oh yeah, I built you and I can knock you down if I want."

As human beings created by God, the human race has grown increasingly arrogant through the centuries, believing we have the right to tell God what he can do and what he can't do. Even Christian theologians today have the audacity today to decide what God can and can't do based on their own ideas and human systems of moralities. Paul fought this same attitude from people who didn't want to face God's judgment for their sin and questioned God's right to act as judge. Paul responded by asking, But who are you, a mere man, to talk back to God? Will what is formed say to the one who formed it, “Why did you make me like this?” Or has the potter no right over the clay, to make from the same lump one piece of pottery for honor and another for dishonor? (Romans 9:20-21, HCSB).

We serve a God who is loving and kind, who extends mercy to us because of His great love for us. But we must never take God's kindness and patience for granted and start believing that God owes us kindness and patience. As his beloved children, we can trust that God will give us mercy because God has promised it to us, but we must never presume upon it. We must never begin to treat God with the attitude that he owes us anything. God has the right to do whatever God wants to do with us. The fact that God doesn't simply destroy us and has promised not to doesn't mean we should treat God like he can't.

Have you been presuming on God's grace? Doing things you know you shouldn't because God has to forgive you if you ask him? Have you been pushing the boundaries without worrying about the consequences because you know God will be patient with you? Normally, we call that taking advantage of someone. As kind and merciful as God is, trying to take advantage of God is a dangerous game to play.

I Stole It And I'm Gonna Keep It

Suggested Reading: Leviticus 6:1-7

Imagine you walked in from work one day and your brand new 55” flat screen television was gone. So you call the police to report a burglary and as they begin their investigation they notice no signs of forced entry. This makes you wonder. So, when the police leave, you head over to see a friend, a friend you trusted so much that he had the spare key to your house. When you walk into his living room. Sure enough, your brand new television is sitting right there in his entertainment center. Now, imagine your friend, caught in his crime, immediately drops to his knees, weeping and begging for your forgiveness. You’ve known and loved this friend for years and this is the first time he has ever done anything like this. So, you decide to grudgingly accept his apology. But when you move to pick up the television to take it back home, your friend stops you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” the friend asks.

“I’m taking my new TV back home,” you reply.

But then your friend astonishes you, saying, “Wait. I’m not giving it back. I’m sorry for taking it, but I’m going to keep it.”

Would that be enough for you? No. You would want your friend to make the situation right. Just to prove he was sorry, you would probably appreciate him doing a little something extra for you, like washing your car or paying you a rental fee for the television. You might not require it, but something extra would go a long way toward proving he was genuinely sorry and toward helping you to forgive him, right?

As absurd as that scenario is, we sometimes have a tendency to act like that thieving friend. We might not do something as obvious as steal a television, but we hurt people and cause them pain, we steal their time and efforts. We fudge our time at work or borrow money that we never intend to give back. We keep that nice dish that somebody loaned us and “forget” to give it back. We spin the facts about an event to make ourselves look good (and someone else look bad, by extension). We find a cool gadget and neglect to inform its owner. And when we finally feel guilty enough we want to go to God and ask for forgiveness, but we don’t want anybody to know what we’ve done so we only tell God.

This tendency in ourselves is why God commanded in the Law of Moses, “When someone sins and offends the Lord by deceiving his neighbor in regard to a deposit, a security, or a robbery; or defrauds his neighbor; or finds something lost and lies about it; or swears falsely about any of the sinful things a person may do—once he has sinned and acknowledged his guilt—he must return what he stole or defrauded, or the deposit entrusted to him, or the lost item he found, or anything else about which he swore falsely. He must make full restitution for it and add a fifth of its value to it. He is to pay it to its owner on the day he acknowledges his guilt. Then he must bring his restitution offering to the Lord” (Leviticus 6:2-6, HCSB). In the case of the law, God wasn’t even interested in accepting an offering until the sin being atoned for had been set right.

Now, Jesus has atoned for our sins and covered us because we are simply incapable of making right every sin we’ve ever committed. But as people who claim to love God and follow His Son, shouldn’t we want to make it right when we’ve done something wrong? Shouldn’t we care enough to right our wrongs and correct our mistakes and not simply try to get out of being punished for our wrongs? Shouldn’t we be humble enough to admit when we’ve acted sinfully and do our best to make up for it when it is within our ability? Shouldn’t we do the right thing?

We can’t simply ask God to forgive us. To the best of our ability we must make the situation right and correct our wrongs. If we’re going to apologize, we need to return the television, too. 

Vengeance on the Playground

Suggested Reading: Romans 12:14-21

As a substitute teacher, I had much more opportunity to work with young elementary students than I ever thought I wanted. One of the things that amazes me is the variety of personalities and the different ways in which those young children respond to injustices. Some children, as soon as another child looks at them wrong, run to an adult to tattle and get their would be assailant in trouble. Other children, whether because they are stronger or simply stronger willed, decide to deal with it themselves and put an end to the problem. If someone has taken their toy, they take it back. If someone has teased them, they end it by putting their hands on the offending child. And while it is great that these students want to deal with their own problems, because they are young and immature they often handle these situations in very wrong ways. These children end up getting into trouble at school because they forget that they are only children and that they should let an adult handle the problem.

When Joseph's father died and his brothers, fearing retribution for selling Joseph into slavery as a boy, approached and begged for forgiveness, Joseph responded, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you?" (Genesis 50:19, NLT). Joseph, through his suffering and misfortune had managed to learn an important lesson. If he were a child on the playground he might have said, "Don't be afraid of me. Am I the teacher that I can punish you?" Joseph understood that our role is to live the best lives we can, taking care of our own business, and leaving the punishing to God.

As adults, we don't always have a teacher to run to when someone wrongs us. Sure, we can take people to court or go to the boss in the right circumstances, but a lot of life we live on our own without someone to watch over our shoulders and we can be tempted at times to take care of things ourselves. We want to humiliate someone who has hurt us. We want to find a way to make our abusers feel the same pain they have caused us. We want to out-maneuver people who are playing games behind our back and try to teach them a lesson. Sometimes, we simply want to find a way to end the problem, even if it means flirting with -- or outright crossing --  a line. In short, we want to deal with the problem ourselves. But most of the time we are unable to foresee all the possible consequences of our actions. And because we are never as mature or as wise as we think we are, we end up mishandling things and, rather than bringing God glory, we look like villains.

Like Joseph, we must remember that we are not God. We must remember that our job is not to pay people back for how they have wronged us or to end it when people are attacking us. Our job is to trust God and live the best life we can possibly live. Repeatedly throughout scripture, God reminds us of this sentiment: Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:19, NLT).

When people attack, when they abuse you and accuse you, remember to take it to the Supreme Adult. Turn it over to God and trust your Heavenly Father to avenge you. Then live the best life you can. Anything else will not only be less than satisfying, it will just play into your abuser's hands.

Revenge, Slavery, and Personal Demons

Suggested Reading: Genesis 50:14-21

A few years ago I experienced a great deal of tension with someone I never wanted to have problems with. This person was convinced that I despised them, that I thought I was better and more important than this person and that I was only interested in using them, not in having any type of relationship with them. This person looked at everything I did and read it as an attack against them. It was impossible to win. Even when I apologized and took blame upon myself for things over which I had no control in the first place, my apologies were dismissed because this person "knew how I really felt." As far as I could tell, I had never actually done anything that should produce such an attitude against me, at least not for more than a decade, stretching back into my youth. But this person was convinced I held ill-will toward them.

In the book of Genesis, Joseph faced a similar problem. While he had been sold by his brothers into slavery, he had long ago reconciled himself to the idea that God was responsible, sending him to Egypt in order to save the lives of his family and countless others who would suffer from famine. Joseph had told his brothers as much and assured them that he held no ill-will toward them. But when their father was dead, Joseph’s brothers became fearful. “Now Joseph will show his anger and pay us back for all the wrong we did to him,” they said. So they sent this message to Joseph:“Before your father died, he instructed us to say to you:‘Please forgive your brothers for the great wrong they did to you—for their sin in treating you so cruelly. ’ So we, the servants of the God of your father, beg you to forgive our sin.” When Joseph received the message, he broke down and wept (Genesis 50:15-17, NLT).

His brothers' obvious fear pushed Joseph to tears. For years he'd had the power to take his revenge if he had wanted. For years he'd had the opportunity to pay his brothers back for what they had done, selling him into slavery. But for years he had demonstrated his good-will and talked with his brothers about the providence of God in sending him ahead to Egypt to provide for them. And still they feared Joseph, not because Joseph had given them reason to fear but because they were still dealing with their own demons.

When dealing with people who seem to have irrational vendettas against us, it is important to extend patience and understanding, knowing that their problem may have nothing to do with us, and to give them time without judgement to work through their own demons. But it is just as important to remember that we ourselves are susceptible to that kind of behavior. We can be just as guilty of seeing malice and ill-will in others not because they actually have any, but because we are struggling with our own demons. We may believe we deserve malice and so we see it whether it is there or not. We may need to embrace God's forgiveness for past mistakes through Jesus' death and resurrection and remember that God can even use our mistakes and sins to bring about good.

Be patient with people who hold irrational grudges against you, without judging them, but examine yourself as well. If you sense intense feelings of malice, prejudice or persecution directed toward you, it might be real, but you might just be dealing with your own demons. Confront those demons and banish them. Don't allow your own insecurities and mistakes to destroy the relationships in your life.

Being a Redheaded Christian

Suggested Reading: John 13:31-38

If you ever see me or my wife in public with our kids it is impossible to not know who our children belong to. Both of the kids have the same bright red hair as my wife and the same facial structure that runs on my side of the family. Even if they wanted to, my children could not deny who they belong to. When we go out to eat with large groups, it is very easy for our waiter or waitress to know exactly who belongs on our check.

In a similar way, the people we interact with should experience the same kind of certainty that we belong to Jesus. But how, exactly, does that work? It's not as if people can look at us, like they look at my children, and notice the physical resemblance. So what is it that people can see that lets them know we belong to Jesus. I'm sure we could come up with lists of things: compassion, caring for the poor, righteous living, honesty, integrity, loving our neighbor as ourselves. All of those things are important, of course, and we should be characterized by those things. But none of them are the thing that causes people to recognize our affiliation with Jesus when they see them.

In John 13, immediately after Jesus' last supper with the disciples before his crucifixion and after Judas had left to betray him, Jesus told the disciples, "I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love one for another" (John 13:34-35, HCSB). According to Jesus' words here, there are two important things necessary for people to recognize that we belong to Jesus. First, they must see us, as believers, loving one another. Of all the things that we can do, Jesus pointed to this one thing as the primary marker that would let everyone know we belong to him. Not being loving in general. Not even loving our neighbors as ourselves. Not being non-judgmental. But loving each other - our fellow believers. Is it any wonder that the world doesn't believe we belong to a resurrected Lord when we are often better known for fighting each other and arguing with each other than for loving each other?

But the second thing Jesus's words require if people are to recognize that we belong to him is that people must see us together. We cannot be seen to love each other if we are not seen with each other. More than that, we cannot be seen to love each other if we are not seen to love being with each other. Do you really believe that people love each other when they never want to be around each other?  Is it even possible to love someone if you are never together? At least in a biblical, unconditional, love-is-a-choice-not-just-a-feeling kind of way?

Do you want to convince the people in your school or office or neighborhood that Jesus is real and that you belong to him? Let them see you with other believers, actively loving each other the way that Jesus loved us. By this all people will know  that we belong to him.

Forgiveness and Consequences from Alien Fathers

Suggested Reading: Exodus 34:1-9

In the third season of the Superman prequel series Smallville, Clark Kent deals with the fallout from a really bad decision. Trying to escape the influence of Jor-El, his biological father, Clark destroyed the spaceship that brought him to Earth and housed a copy of Jor-El's consciousness. The ensuing explosion sent shock waves for miles, destroying the Kent's storm cellar and rolling the truck in which Clark's adoptive parents, Jonathan and Martha, were driving. The accident caused Martha to lose her unborn child, a miracle pregnancy. For months Clark dealt with guilt from the accident before Martha told him, "Clark, we never blamed you." But even being reconciled with his parents and experiencing their forgiveness, the entire family continued to deal with the loss of the unborn baby's life.

Scripture reminds us that this combination of forgiveness and consequences is something that we should expect. In Exodus 34:6-7, the Lord described Himself this way: "Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness. I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin. But I do not excuse the guilty. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren; the entire family is affected – even children in the third and fourth generations" (NLT).

Often times, when first reading this passage, people will exclaim, "How is it fair that God punishes children and grandchildren for their parents' sin?" and we shouldn't gloss over that question. We should, however, read that verse in light of the one before it where God declares that he forgives "iniquity, rebellion, and sin." Who is it that needs their iniquity, rebellion, and sin forgiven? The guilty – the ones whose sin is being laid upon their children and grandchildren. Both are happening simultaneously. Forgiveness and consequences both come, simultaneously, from the hand of God.

To often, we make the mistake of assuming that forgiveness automatically wipes out the consequences of our sin, but that could not be farther from the truth. Yes, sometimes, God in God's mercy lessens the severity of those consequences but many times God does not. Often, God's forgiveness runs parallel to the consequences we experience for our sin. Just as a parent forgives their child for disobedience but will still discipline that child in order to teach them right from wrong, God cares too much about us to not let us experience at least some of the natural consequences of our sin to ensure that we learn.

If you are struggling with the idea that you have been forgiven because you are still experiencing the consequences of your sin, remember that forgiveness and earthly consequences often go together. The fact that we are experiencing consequences for our sin does not mean that God has not forgiven us. And the fact that we have received God's forgiveness does not mean that we are immune to the either the natural consequences of our actions or their effects on the people around us. God, in God's wisdom and power, can help us navigate those effects and begin to make the situation right, and we should seek God as we attempt to do so. But we must never assume that forgiveness and consequences do not go hand in hand.

God loves us too much not to forgive us when we seek God and too much not to let us learn from our failures.

The One Ring of Unforgiveness

Suggested Reading: Proverbs 17:1-10

Throughout the epic Lord of the Rings, the One Ring holds onto its owner as much as its owner holds onto it. The One Ring grabs hold of its owner and possesses their thoughts. It alters their personality and they begin to act in ways once foreign to them. Miraculously, Frodo managed to carry the ring all the way to Mount Doom where he had planned to throw it into the volcanic pit so that the Ring and its dangerous power could be destroyed. But when the time came to throw it into the pit, Frodo couldn't do it. He wanted to hold onto it. Presumably Frodo could have done a lot of good with the power at the Ring's disposal. And I think in the movie he tried to convince himself of that. But he never really wanted to hold onto the ring for the good it could do. He wanted to hold onto the ring because it was holding onto him.

Sadly, we often treat grudges just like the One Ring. Someone hurts us but then we never let go of it. We carry it around with us like a dead weight. Bitterness grows inside us and it changes our personality. And then we pretend to forgive but we hold onto it because "we need to deal with it" when, really, that's just a good way to hang on a little bit longer. Proverbs 17:9 tells us, "Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends" (NLT). Sometimes, we "forgive" the people who have hurt us but we hold onto the issue because we "need to deal with it" or because we "need to be wise." But the truth is that we hold onto the hurt because the hurt has a hold on us. We dwell on it and then try to call it something admirable. And while we hold onto it, that hurt pushes us further and further away from the people around us.

Grudges and bitterness hold onto us as much as we hold onto them, and we cannot allow ourselves to be deluded about why we hold onto them. We will never be able to use unforgiveness to help ourselves anymore than Frodo could use the One Ring for good. Dwelling on hurts is only good for driving people apart.