Impressing Teenage Boys With My Girl Watching Skills

Suggested Reading: Proverbs 7:6-23

When I was in high school, our youth group went to Six Flags Over Texas for the day. When we were ready for lunch, I found myself standing in line with a couple of other teenage boys waiting to order. As we were slowly moving through the line, one of my friends suddenly muttered in a very excited voice, "Wow, she's hot!" The other guys in the line with me immediately turned to stare at the beautiful girl in line several feet behind us but I refused to turn. A couple of the guys urged me, "You've got to look at this girl! She's gorgeous!" I answered that I would but that I refused to turn and stare like a gawking bird and make a fool of myself. The guys described her to me and after a minute or so I twisted like I was stretching one way and then the other, getting a good look at the girl as I did. The other boys in line with me were impressed by the move and began practicing the move themselves as the day went on. I used to be real impressed with myself, too, until I realized that I didn't have a problem with staring just like everybody else. I just had a problem getting caught.

The author of Proverbs struck on the core of this human tendency in a scene where an adulterous woman attempted to seduce a young man walking past her house. The woman said, "Come, let’s drink deeply of lovemaking until morning. Let’s feast on each other’s love! My husband isn’t home; he went on a long journey. He took a bag of money with him and will come home at the time of the full moon” (Proverbs 7:18-20, HCSB). Notice, that the adulterous woman's main selling point is that her husband will be gone for a long time and they won't get caught.

While the author of the proverb was specifically warning about the dangers and temptations of adultery, the seduction method is something we experience in nearly all areas of life. The belief that we won't get caught, that no one will know, can be a strong motivator to do something we know is wrong but we really want to do anyway. Rarely do men look at pornography when their wives are sitting next to them but they watch it when they think they won't get caught. Employees skim a little off the slush fund at work because no one keeps up with exactly how much is in there and they will never get caught. Those little indiscretions on business trips happen because there is no one who will report back to our spouse that we were unfaithful. Or we run that stop sign because no one is around to see us or give us a ticket.

The knowledge that we won't get caught emboldens us to do what we want when, at any other time, we would resist temptation. Las Vegas's "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" motto is built on this foundation. But the definition of sin doesn't change because no one is watching. It's still called cheating even when you don't get caught, and you're still staring, even if no one can tell that you are. Rather than pushing the line and getting away with what we can, we ought to be even more careful with our integrity when no one is watching.

God has called us to live lives of holiness. Are we living with integrity or just trying not to get caught?

Murder, Betrayal, and Bitter Water

Suggested Reading: Numbers 5:11-31

My wife and I used to enjoy watching a weekly television Dramedy (Dramatic Comedy) called Castle. Rick Castle, the main character of the show, is a mystery novelist who has gotten permission to shadow and work with the city’s leading homicide detective, Kate Beckett, as research for his books. Castle is always throwing up wild stories about how a particular person might be responsible for the murder of the week, but there is a pesky little thing called evidence that they still have to find before they can charge anyone. No matter how much sense the story makes, if Castle and Beckett can’t find evidence to support the story, they have to let it go and look for other leads.  Sometimes, they encounter someone they just know has to be guilty but never discover any evidence and, of course, someone else ends up being the killer.

While we applaud the detective work of real police officers who search for evidence and while we often pride ourselves on an American legal system in which everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty by the evidence, far too often we do just the opposite in our personal lives. Quite often, we hear a rumor or a story from someone and believe it, even about people who are close to us, without any evidence whatsoever. Sometimes, we even look for evidence and, unable to find any, we continue to believe these stories.

In the book of Numbers, God gave his people an example of how to deal with just such an occurrence within their marriages. When, a husband suspected his wife had been unfaithful but had no proof of her infidelity, he was supposed to bring her before the priest and the priest would give her some water, mixed with a little dust and shavings (from an oath which would be written on leather and then scraped into the water). With the water in hand, she would have to make an oath of innocence, paired with a curse if she lied, and the priest would require the woman to drink the bitter water that brings a curse, and it will enter her and cause bitter suffering (Number 5:24, HCSB). If the woman was innocent, nothing would happen. But if she was guilty of infidelity, she was supposed to be caused great pain and become barren, but there was nothing in the  water that would itself cause pain and barrenness. In other words, the husband would secure a vow of innocence from his wife, turn the issue over to God, and then let it go, trusting God to deal with his wife if she was guilty.

When we face similar circumstances in life, when we suspect someone of betraying us or doing something behind our back, we ought to take a very similar approach to things. Ask the person, maybe even add the insecure, “Do you promise you didn’t do this?” And if they deny it, turn the situation over to God and allow God to deal with it. Life contains too many real betrayals and back-stabbings to worry, fret, and obsess about the ones we can’t prove actually happened. Continuing to obsess about betrayals for which we have no proof only serves to drive us crazy.

If you suspect someone has betrayed you or done something behind your back, or if you have heard a rumor about someone but you don’t have any proof, step up and ask them about it. But then be willing to trust God to deal with them if they lie to you. Suspicions without proof are not worth destroying a relationship, especially because you might be wrong. 

If You're Going To Sin, At Least Don't Be Stupid

Suggested Reading: Proverbs 6:20-35

The other day I was reading my daily dose of Proverbs when I stumbled across this verse: "For a prostitute's fee is only a loaf of bread but an adulteress goes after a precious life" (Proverbs 6:26, HCSB). And I thought, Wait, is scripture seriously telling us that it is better to go to a prostitute than to have an affair? Thinking that was odd, I kept reading. A few versus later, another sin was compared to having an affair. "People don't despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is hungry. Still, if caught, he must pay seven times as much; he must give up all the wealth in his house. The one who commits adultery lacks sense; whoever does so destroys himself" (Proverbs 6:30-32, HCSB).

For a minute, I wrestled with the question: But aren't all sins the same in the eyes of God? Doesn't God hold us just as accountable for any one sin as for any other sin? Even though that is what I've been taught most of my life, I'm not entirely convinced that is the case, but that concept doesn’t even enter into the picture with these verses. These verses aren't about which sins God counts as worse than others. These verses are about which sins are going to get us into the most trouble here on earth.

The author of these proverbs is trying to tell us, in rather pithy terms, that going to a prostitute only costs you money but having an affair can cost you your life; stealing, if you have a legitimate need, will be punished but understood, while having an affair is just stupid. Talking about having an affair, the proverbist (I may have just made up that word) asks, "Can a man embrace fire and his clothes not be burned? Can a man walk on burning coals without scorching his feet?" (Proverbs 6:27-28, HCSB). Now, aside from the obvious masters of mystical arts, the answers to both of these questions is "NO!" If I were to write a summary of this passage, I would probably write, "If you're going to sin, at least don't be stupid!"

We live in a society where people almost expect to see affairs take place. One movie I saw recently tried to convince the audience that having an affair could actually strengthen a marriage by giving one's spouse a boost of confidence that would improve the relationship between husband and wife. Media is constantly produced that manipulates audiences into rooting for an affair to take place because "they really love each other" or because "they deserve to be happy" or because "their spouse is an insensitive jerk." We have websites designed to help people have affairs behind their spouse's back. Everywhere we look, people are telling us that affairs are natural, that they are expected, that they really don't do that much harm, that they may lead to a purer love than the marriage itself. To all of these ideas, the author of Proverbs calls "BS."

Why is it that ancient societies often extended the death penalty to adultery? Why is it that the only excuse Jesus gave for divorce was infidelity? Why does the author of Proverbs even suggest that going to a prostitute is better than having an affair? Why is it that country songs about affairs always end in a semi-truck plowing through the local hotel? Secularists and some academics today will tell you that affairs were not tolerated as a symptom of a male-dominated society trying to imprison its woman to a set of rules that held them down. The real reason? Extra-marital affairs destroy lives.

Even more sobering is Jesus' assertion that if a man looks at a woman in order to lust after her, he "has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28, NIV). This one statement of Jesus should cause us to see pornography in any form in a new light and to lump it in with these warnings that the author of Proverbs is giving us.

All sin is wrong, although some sins are understandable. Committing adultery, however, shows a lack of sense, whether it involves an actual physical act or only occurs in our hearts. We all fall into sin, but we don't have to be stupid about it.

Being Satisfied With your Doe

Suggested Reading: Matthew 5:21-32 and/or Proverbs 5:1-23

Not long ago, I was reading the Sermon on the Mount when Jesus said, "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28, NLT) and without thinking about it, I said to myself, "I guess we can't watch prime time TV." I mean, prime time television, as well as a lot of streaming programs, are designed to make men lust after women and women after men. The system is designed to have people commit adultery in their hearts.

But then I had the random thought, What does that mean about the fidelity of men who view pornography? How many times do they commit adultery per webpage? But photographs of women are not the only kind of pornography and men are not the only ones who use it.  Erotic stories and novels like some recent bestsellers are also a form of pornography. After all, is there really much difference between lusting after the form of someone on your screen or monitor and lusting after the form of someone described in words on a page?

Proverbs 5:18-19 advises us, "Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love" (NLT) and I think we can safely reverse that as well, warning women to be satisfied with the forms of their husbands. But can we ever rejoice in the love of our lives, can we really be captivated by the love of our spouse (or our future spouse) when our heads and hearts are filled with unrealistic, air-brushed, or word-brushed pictures of other people? Do our spouses ever have a chance when we are enthralled with these make-believe fantasies, designed by people whose goal is to hook us and keep us coming back for more, to lead us into committing adultery in our hearts over and over again just so they can make a buck? How are our spouses ever to be satisfied with us if we are responding to them as if they don't measure up to unrealistic fantasies?

Maintaining purity is about more than avoiding certain physical acts or just staying away from particular kinds of photographs, videos, or books. Purity and fidelity are about maintaining a heart that seeks God and yearns only for your spouse (or future spouse).  Anything we feed our minds and hearts that draws us toward someone or something else undermines that.

Late Night Cheating and Admirable Reactions

Suggested Reading: Matthew 1:18-25

Late night broadcast television is an horrendous animal. One of the most entertaining and simultaneously disgusting shows is a program called Cheaters. Each week, Cheaters chronicles the life of a couple, one of whom suspects the other of cheating. The show's private investigators follow and film the offending party, show the footage of the infidelity to the victim, and encourage a confrontation between the two while the cheater is with the "other" woman or man. Upon seeing evidence of their partner's infidelity, the people on the show, typically, have two distinct reactions: betrayal and fury. Not just anger, but full-throated, screaming-at-the-top-of-one's-lungs-while-trying-to-rip-the-other-person's-throat-out fury. That reaction is what makes the show immediately both disgusting and addicting. The victim's reaction is the reaction anyone who has ever been cheated on wishes they'd had the guts to have themselves, to give the offending party exactly what they deserve and to do it publicly so that everyone knows exactly what kind of person they are.

In that spirit, I have always thought one of the most overlooked people in the Bible was Joseph, Jesus' earthly father.  Joseph was the epitome of the Christmas spirit. Betrothed to a young woman who shows up pregnant by someone else, he has every right to have her publicly humiliated or possibly stoned. But even before an angel tells him that the child is a miracle of the Holy Spirit, while he still believes that she has betrayed her oath to him and slept with another man, he decides to have mercy on her and end their relationship privately.  He doesn't make a public spectacle of her. He doesn't humiliate her or try to hurt her. He has mercy on her.

Then the angel appears and tells Joseph that Mary is carrying God's child and Joseph does something equally admirable. "He married her but did not know her intimately until she gave birth to a son." (Matthew 1:24-25 HCSB). Most people cannot wait to share the wedding bed and consider the marriage incomplete (unconsummated) until that event takes place. Add that to the fact that Mary actually becomes Joseph's wife and he is within his rights to sleep with her. But Joseph chooses not to do anything that would later cast doubt upon who Jesus will become. He chooses to let the integrity of God's purpose overrule his own desires and needs. In everything, Joseph chooses to care about God's purpose and God's people more than himself or his own rights.

Both as a symbol of the Christmas Spirit and as an example for life, Joseph is an inspiration for us to draw from. Are we willing to give up our rights for the sake of God's kingdom? Are we willing to let mercy rule out when no one would blame us for taking revenge?  It's no wonder that God chose Joseph just as much as God chose Mary to watch over His Son. 

Lord, let me lay down my own rights for the sake of Your Kingdom. Let me display mercy and never seek revenge, even when people expect it of me.

Knowing You're About to Be Eaten

Suggested Reading: Proverbs 30:15-20

In the classic family movie, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, the climax of the movie occurs in a bowl of cereal. The kids, who had been shrunk and then accidentally tossed out with the garbage, have managed to work their way all the way back to the house and one boy, helped out by the family dog, somehow ends up in the father's cereal bowl. The boy didn't mean to end up in the father's cereal, but he did. So he, and all the other shrunken kids, begin yelling and screaming, trying to get their subjectively giant father figure to notice them, while the boy simultaneously tries to avoid getting scooped up by the spoon.  Finally, as the boy is in the spoon headed toward dad's mouth, the dog bites dad in the leg, saving the kid from being consumed, and allowing them all to be seen and restored to normal size.

I was reminded of that movie while reading Proverbs 30:20, "An adulterous woman consumes a man, then wipes her mouth and says, "What's wrong with that?"" (NLT). Certainly, the adulterous woman is more aware of what she is doing than Rick Moranis was when he nearly consumed his movie son, but in both cases, the person being consumed should be perfectly aware of what is going on.

Often, we want to think of infidelity much like a frog in a pot of boiling water, slowly getting in deeper and deeper without realizing what is going on. But we all know that is not true. All along the way in those illicit relationships there are warnings and red flags - those little thoughts that remind us we shouldn't be talking about such personal things with this particular person, the twinge of guilt when we imagine ourselves in a situation we know should never exist, the justification that we deserve a little bit of happiness because we simply aren't getting it at home, the attempt to assure ourselves that no one ever has to know. All of those little things, and lots of others, serve as warnings that we are about to be consumed by something that will destroy us.

The choice we face is not whether or not to finally give in to temptation and be consumed but whether or not to walk away when that first warning sign appears. When we see ourselves driving over a cliff, we cannot wait until we reach the ledge to hit the breaks. We know that certain activities will consume us. We know that. And we normally know when we are slipping into that behavior. The adulterous woman (or man) may consume us, but it is entirely our own fault if we let it happen.

What sinful activity are you inching towards? What red flags are you ignoring?  Are you willing to do what you have to to avoid being consumed or can you just not bear to give up your sIn?