Ugly Facebook Fights and Handwritten Letters

Suggested Reading: Ezekiel 3:17-21

A while ago, I witnessed a very ugly Facebook attack between two people I know. One person was in the process of making a decision she would regret for the rest of her life. The other was a family member who, seeing that this person was repeating the mistakes her own parent had made, tried to warn her about that choice in a private text message. The warning was as polite and thoughtful as it can be when you have to tell someone they are being selfish and doing something they will regret for the rest of their life but this woman didn't take it well.  Instead, she posted a screen capture of the text message on Facebook and attempted to berate this loving family member for being "ugly" and "mean" and "judgmental." Another person (who was also making bad life-choices at least partially in response to her own parent's mistakes) jumped in, berating the family member who had sent the text, stating that loving and helping someone means that you "support them no matter what," by which she really meant that you condone and support any action the person you love takes, regardless of how irresponsible, sinful, or selfish that action may be. Together, these two tried to attack this family member who had tried to privately warn someone she loved about a terrible decision she was making.

The attack made me angry, in part, because this woman who didn't want to face the selfish nature of her actions chose to attack someone who acted in love and, in part, because they were pushing the lie that loving and supporting someone means never telling them when they are making bad decisions or doing something wrong. Proverbs 13:24 tells us, Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children. Those who love their children care enough to discipline them (NLT). While this verse specifically talks about parent-child relationships, it echoes a sentiment that is found throughout all of scripture: loving someone means calling them on their sin so that they don't cause themselves harm. A loving response is not one that says, "I support you in your sinful act" but one that says, "I love you, but what you are doing is wrong and you're going to hurt yourself and others if you continue." A loving response says, "I love you too much to put your opinion of me before your welfare" and "I will always tell you the truth in love, even if you hate me for it." What is more, Ezekiel 3 seems to indicate that we ourselves will be held responsible when we fail to warn those whose sin is about to destroy them.

At another end of the spectrum, when my wife and I decided to start trying to get pregnant, my best friend wrote me a long-handwritten letter telling me that he thought I was making a mistake and detailing a list of his reasons. Instead of getting angry, I called him and we talked about it. I explained our reasons for trying to have kids, several of which he was unaware of, and he accepted my decision. I don't know if he ever agreed with me, but he realized he hadn't seen the whole situation. I could have gotten angry and called him judgmental and told him to butt out. As far as I was concerned, he was wrong. But he was my best friend, in large part, because when he thought I was doing something stupid he was willing to call me on it. Even when he was wrong, he cared about me enough to lovingly tell me the truth, and I knew he cared about me, so I was willing to listen.

Loving and supporting someone doesn't necessarily mean you keep your mouth shut when they are doing something stupid and the fact that someone tells you you're being selfish doesn't mean they are judgmental. Sometimes we are being selfish and only the people who truly love us will call us out for it. Only fools get angry with someone for being honest, even if they are honestly wrong. And only uncaring people keep their mouths shut when they see someone about to hurt themselves.

Worshipping Like You Marry

Suggested Reading: 1 Kings 9:1-9

In 1 Kings 9, Solomon had an encounter with God. Solomon had just completed the construction of the temple complex and dedicated the temple in a display of majestic splendor and overwhelming opulence. Thousands and thousands of animals were sacrificed in worship. The presence of the Lord came down so powerfully that the priests were unable to minister and perform their tasks. The day was a day of triumph and victory as God's promises to David had been fulfilled and the people were able to bask in the palpable presence of God.

When all of the celebrations and festivities were done, God appeared to Solomon by himself. God acknowledged the prayers that had been prayed in dedication of the temple and then God gave Solomon a warning: "If you go and worship other gods, then I will uproot the people of Israel from this land I have given them. I will reject this temple that I have set apart to honor my name" (1 Kings 9:6-7, NLT).

By all accounts, Solomon heeded God's warning for years. He did some things that were probably unwise for the wisest man in history (like marry 700 women and have three hundred concubines) but he heeded God's warning. For a while. But when Solomon was old, and when he reaped the consequences of loving so many women, he apparently decided that worshipping more than one God was not any more dangerous than having more than one wife, and his wives led him to worship other gods. Solomon,  at the height of his wealth and splendor, after he had accomplished spectacular feats, forgot the warning God had given him.

How often do we forget the warnings we have been given when things seem to be going well for us? How often do we decide that we are smart enough, or stable enough, or cautious enough, or just good enough that this particular rule really shouldn't apply to us? How often do we decide that we have been good enough for so long that we deserve to do what we want, even if it is wrong? About as often as we forget that there will be consequences for our actions and that God's warnings are for our good.

What warnings have you been ignoring lately? What rules have you decided shouldn't really apply to you? You might want to take a little time to think about the potential consequences and remember that God's commands are for our own good. You might save yourself a lot of trouble down the road.

Pharisees Shoot the Messenger

Suggested Reading: Mark 12:1-12

We don't always like the messages that we get from people. When a doctor tells us that we need to change our diet or risk serious health problems, or we get a progress report from school that warns us we are on the verge of failing a class, there are traditionally three ways of responding. 1) We can heed the warning and act on the message, 2) we can choose to ignore the message or 3) we can get angry with the person who delivered the message. I don't know how many students I have heard say something like, "My teacher is just mean, she won't even give me a lousy five points on my report card." Anticipating the third reaction, a pastor I used to serve with would deliver the disclaimer, "If I'm stepping on your toes, say, 'ouch,' or get out of the way."

In Mark 12 (and in various other places throughout the Gospels), Jesus delivered a message that was unpopular with the religious establishment. Jesus told a parable that essentially warned the Pharisees and chief priests that their lack of response to God's messengers throughout the years would lead to God replacing them with people who would obey God's call. How did the chief priests and Pharisees respond? Did they decide that they had better start obeying God's call? Did they commit themselves to leaving behind their apathy in the hopes of retaining their position? Mark 12:12 records their response: "Because they knew He had said this parable against them, they were looking for a way to arrest Him, but they were afraid of the crowd" (HCSB).

Rather than acting on the message Jesus delivered, the religious establishment decided to "shoot the messenger." They could easily have listened to what Jesus had to say and acted on it. They could have said, "Whoa, we're in trouble here and we had better change our ways." They could have said, "He's right. We've been acting sinfully. We had better beg God for forgiveness." They could even have said, "Jesus just doesn't know what he's talking about." Instead, they chose to eliminate the one delivering the message by looking for ways to arrest him.

How often do we respond in the same way? A friend warns us about a dangerous behavior and we get angry, unable to believe how judgmental our friend is. A parent or mentor warns us that we are headed down the wrong path and we silently berate them, exclaiming, "You just don't get it. You don't know what I am going through." A doctor gives us bad news and we suddenly decide that we don't like that doctor anymore and we need a second opinion.  A preacher delivers a message about sin, warning us that certain activities are harmful, and we get angry with the preacher for "stepping on our toes" and decide not to come back or, worse, to stay and battle the preacher's "self-righteousness" behind the scenes.

"Shooting the messenger" is a time-honored human method of reacting to news we don't like in a way that lets us off the hook for the contents of the message. But, at the end of the day, we have still heard the message and we are still responsible for what we do with it. If you have recently gotten a message you don't like, don't get angry with the messenger, evaluate the message and act accordingly.

When someone steps on your toes, you can get mad, you can say, "ouch," or you can fix the situation by moving your feet. How will you choose to respond?