I WIll If They Will...

Suggested Reading: Colossians 3:15-25

As a child, there were times during the summer when my brother, sister and I were all out of school and we would be at home by ourselves while our parents were at work. Normally, mom would leave us a list of chores that had to be done by the time she got home.  Over the first couple weeks of the summer, we would get in trouble a lot for neglecting those chores. When grilled about why we weren't doing our chores, it was not uncommon to hear, "Well, they weren't doing their chores!" Somehow, especially as kids, we get the idea that we should only have to do what's right if everyone else is doing what's right.  After all, if we are the only ones following the rules, well…that's just not fair.

I think most of us, as adults,  know that we are supposed to do what's right regardless of whether someone else is doing it or not, but there are always exceptions. In fact, through the years, there are two particular passages of scripture that I often hear people excuse themselves from obeying because other people are not doing what they are supposed to do. Those passages? Colossians 3:18-25 and Ephesians 5:20-6:9, and they both basically say the same things.

"Wives respect your husbands."

"Husbands, love your wives."

"Children, obey your parents."

"Parents, don't exasperate your children."

"Slaves/servants, obey your masters and work for them like you are working for the Lord."

"Masters, treat your slaves/servants fairly and pay them what they deserve."

When there are problems in these three different relational areas, almost always, people are not abiding by these instructions. Wives excuse themselves by saying that their husbands aren't being the men they need to be and loving them like they should. Husbands excuse themselves by saying they aren't getting the respect they deserve from their wives. Children excuse themselves by saying their parents don't understand and expect too much from them. Parents excuse themselves by saying that their children just don't listen. Employees say that their bosses simply don't pay them enough and bosses say that they have to be harsh with their employees because they are just lazy and it's the only way to get anything out of them.  All the way around the circle, we all excuse ourselves from following these instructions, and it is always the other party's fault.

But these instructions were not given with the caveat that we only have to obey if everybody else is acting like they should. And, logically, if we all wait for everybody else to start acting right, no one never will. But sometimes, when we treat people like we should, we set off a chain reaction of right living. When wives respect their husbands, whether they deserve it or not, husbands often respond by demonstrating love for their wives in more palpable ways. Bosses who treat their employees with respect, even when administering necessary discipline, eventually end up receiving respect. Parents who stop exasperating their children begin finding their children more cooperative. And the reverse of these is typically true as well.`

The way we live is contagious, for good or for ill. If we treat people the way we should, people respond to that. And when they don't, we get to stand before God with a clear conscience that we have done everything we could. Let's not wait for someone else to treat us right before we do what is right. Let the chain-reaction of right living begin with us. 

You're Just Using Me?

Suggested Reading: Judges 16:21-31 or Judges 16 (the whole Samson and Delilah story)

Samson is an intriguing character in the Bible. Every man wants to be as strong as Samson was, but nobody wants to be as dumb or lacking in willpower as he was. Every time I walk into a Christian bookstore and I see the Samson "Heroes of the Bible" action figure I want to cringe. I mean, Samson was the Bible-day equivalent of Jose Canseco or Barry Bonds, someone you admire for their feats of athleticism but you're not really sure you want them to be a role model for your kids.

Samson was set apart even before his conception as someone God was going to use to rescue Israel from the Philistines. As a life-long Nazirite, he was forbidden from drinking anything produced from grapes, from cutting his hair, and from eating anything that was ceremonially unclean. He was okay but not great at following those rules, (though I'm pretty sure that honey from the carcass of a dead animal was technically unclean), but he had no common sense or will-power. In fact, Judges chapter 14 tells us the first story of Samson battling the Philistines and it all results from the chaos surrounding a marriage that never should have taken place, a father-in-law who thought it didn't, and Samson revenging himself for a perceived insult. The story almost makes you feel sorry for the Philistines whose only wrongdoing was in cheating to get an answer to Samson's riddle.

Then, of course, there is Delilah, who gets the secret of Samson's strength from him the same way his almost-wife got the answer to his riddle, by crying and nagging him. We have all heard how she cut Samson's hair so he could be captured, and how the Philistines had his eyes put out and then used him for entertainment. We remember that when his hair started to grow back, he used the last remnants of his great strength to bring down the Philistine temple on himself and all those Philistines around him. We're told in Judges 16:30 that "the dead he killed at his death were more than those he had killed in his life" (HCSB).  What a sad epithet: He accomplished more by dying in humiliation than he accomplished with his life!

Samson was definitely used by God to thwart the Philistines in their oppression of Israel, but few would say that Samson knew God very well. The late Rich Mullins made a similar observation about being used by God: "God can use anybody. God used Nebuchadnezzar. God used Judas Iscariot. It's not a big deal to be used by God…"  Being used by God is not the ultimate status symbol for a Christian; some of the most horrible people in history have been unwittingly used by God to accomplish His purposes. I would rather know God and be wanted by God. And the crazy thing is that, when we focus on knowing God and being known by God, it is impossible not to be used for His purposes.

In human relationships, we often get mad at people for just using us instead of having a real relationship with us. Why would we want to just be used by God? Worry more about getting to know God and walking with God, and His purposes will naturally be accomplished in you,

Murder, Betrayal, and Bitter Water

Suggested Reading: Numbers 5:11-31

My wife and I used to enjoy watching a weekly television Dramedy (Dramatic Comedy) called Castle. Rick Castle, the main character of the show, is a mystery novelist who has gotten permission to shadow and work with the city’s leading homicide detective, Kate Beckett, as research for his books. Castle is always throwing up wild stories about how a particular person might be responsible for the murder of the week, but there is a pesky little thing called evidence that they still have to find before they can charge anyone. No matter how much sense the story makes, if Castle and Beckett can’t find evidence to support the story, they have to let it go and look for other leads.  Sometimes, they encounter someone they just know has to be guilty but never discover any evidence and, of course, someone else ends up being the killer.

While we applaud the detective work of real police officers who search for evidence and while we often pride ourselves on an American legal system in which everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty by the evidence, far too often we do just the opposite in our personal lives. Quite often, we hear a rumor or a story from someone and believe it, even about people who are close to us, without any evidence whatsoever. Sometimes, we even look for evidence and, unable to find any, we continue to believe these stories.

In the book of Numbers, God gave his people an example of how to deal with just such an occurrence within their marriages. When, a husband suspected his wife had been unfaithful but had no proof of her infidelity, he was supposed to bring her before the priest and the priest would give her some water, mixed with a little dust and shavings (from an oath which would be written on leather and then scraped into the water). With the water in hand, she would have to make an oath of innocence, paired with a curse if she lied, and the priest would require the woman to drink the bitter water that brings a curse, and it will enter her and cause bitter suffering (Number 5:24, HCSB). If the woman was innocent, nothing would happen. But if she was guilty of infidelity, she was supposed to be caused great pain and become barren, but there was nothing in the  water that would itself cause pain and barrenness. In other words, the husband would secure a vow of innocence from his wife, turn the issue over to God, and then let it go, trusting God to deal with his wife if she was guilty.

When we face similar circumstances in life, when we suspect someone of betraying us or doing something behind our back, we ought to take a very similar approach to things. Ask the person, maybe even add the insecure, “Do you promise you didn’t do this?” And if they deny it, turn the situation over to God and allow God to deal with it. Life contains too many real betrayals and back-stabbings to worry, fret, and obsess about the ones we can’t prove actually happened. Continuing to obsess about betrayals for which we have no proof only serves to drive us crazy.

If you suspect someone has betrayed you or done something behind your back, or if you have heard a rumor about someone but you don’t have any proof, step up and ask them about it. But then be willing to trust God to deal with them if they lie to you. Suspicions without proof are not worth destroying a relationship, especially because you might be wrong. 

Paying Taxes For Offensive Tofu

Suggested Reading: Matthew 17:24-27

While I was in college, the patriarch of a Vietnamese family that lived two doors down died, and I was invited to a series of memorial meals in the weeks following his death. At the final, most elaborate meal, the matriarch prepared her famous tofu. Now let me say clearly, I despise tofu. I can't stand it. Thinking about eating tofu makes me almost as sick as thinking about eating bananas (another long story). But she had made it especially for this occasion and would have been offended if I hadn't eaten a heaping portion. So I took some, ate it with a smile, and when I started to feel sick I left the table discreetly and came back a few minutes later. I could have simply turned her down. In America, grown adults do normally have the right to not eat foods we don't like. But in order to maintain a fledgling relationship with this lady and her family I chose not to offend them and I ate the food I couldn't stand.

In Matthew 17, the local temple tax collector came to Peter to ask if Jesus intended to pay the temple tax that all Jewish men were required to pay to maintain the temple. Jesus asked Peter a question to remind Peter that, as the Son of God, he should have been exempt from paying such a tax. But then Jesus added, "But, so we won’t offend them, go to the sea, cast in a fishhook, and take the first fish that you catch. When you open its mouth you’ll find a coin. Take it and give it to them for Me and you” (Matthew 17:27, HCSB). Jesus didn't have to pay the temple tax but he chose not to offend these people who wouldn't understand.

Now, Jesus had no problem offending people when he felt it was necessary. Repeatedly, his disciples asked him if he knew he had offended the Pharisees or the Sadducees with a parable or a teaching he had just offered. On several occasions Jesus called those two groups broods of vipers or some other name they would have found offensive because of their exalted positions in the community. But the only reason Jesus would have had for being offensive in this situation would have been insisting on his own right as God not to pay for his own temple. Jesus decided that insisting on his own rights wasn't something that was worth offending others.

If we live Christ-like lives we will have plenty of opportunities to offend people, when it will, in fact, be necessary to offend people. But we should never offend people for the sake of offending them or if there are other ways to accomplish what has to be done. If we follow Jesus' example, we must remember that maintaining our own rights is not a good enough reason to risk damaging our relationship with someone. Our reasons for offending people should always center around what is best for them, never around what is best for us.

Bashing Your Computer With a Baseball Bat

Suggested Reading: Deuteronomy 12:1-8

There's a scene in the movie Fireproof that is memorable for its radical nature. In the movie, Caleb Holt has decided to make one last ditch effort to save his marriage before throwing in the towel by following the daily advice in a journal given to him by his father. He commits to 40 days of actively loving his wife in an attempt to save their marriage. When he realizes that pornography is one of the things disrupting his marriage, he takes the computer outside and bashes it to pieces with a baseball bat, then leaves a note in the place of the computer that reads, "I love you more."

When God instructed the Israelites how to conduct themselves when they took over the Promised Land, God told them, "Destroy completely all the places where the nations that you are driving out worship their gods...tear down their altars, smash their sacred pillars, burn up their Asherah poles, cut down the carved images of their gods, and wipe out their names from every place" (Deuteronomy 12:2-3, NLT). God didn't command this because he was afraid that the Israelites would turn to other gods, but because he knew they would. Anytime we allow anything a place in our lives that can compete with our devotion to God, chances are it will. The only thing we can do to remove that possibility is to completely remove the competition. You see, Caleb Holt didn't destroy that computer because he was following a journal's advice and just blithely decided he didn't need it anymore. He found himself in a place where the urge to go to that forbidden website was so strong he realized the computer was controlling him rather than the other way around.

No matter what it is that competes for our attention and affection, the only safe course of action is to completely remove it from our lives. Whether it is pornography, like in Caleb's case, or alcohol, or an unhealthy relationship, or that dream job, or your past, sometimes the only way to make sure it doesn't destroy your relationship with God is to completely remove it. And the thing is, you can't wait until it has control of you. At that point it is too late. You have to remove it from your life before it's too much for you to handle.

Don't wait to get rid of anything that threatens to damage your relationship with God. God will always have the power to bring you back, but life is a lot easier if you don't get that far.

Who Needs Sleep? I've Got Love

Suggested Reading:  2 Chronicles 30:20-27

My wife and I only dated for about a month before we got engaged. After we had been engaged for two months or so, I had to leave town for a week to go on tour with the university's Concert Choir. That week was the first time we had gone even an entire day apart since we started dating. Even though we talked on the phone for a while each night, we were dying to see each other by the week's end. The tour bus pulled back onto campus early Sunday evening and, even though we both had classes early the next morning, we ended up spending nearly the whole night walking, talking and holding hands. Neither of us cared that we had classes the next day or that we would be extremely tired before the afternoon rolled around. We were in love, we hadn't seen each other, and we weren't going to let practical concerns get in the way.

Yesterday we saw how God overlooked the technicalities of purification rules because the people were seeking God with their whole hearts. If you keep reading that passage, you discover how the people responded to God's grace in their lives. The people of Judah and the former territories of Israel had traveled to Jerusalem to observe the Passover feast with King Hezekiah, leaving behind their farms and businesses. The Passover feast was seven days long. People had prepared for a seven day celebration and the travel time involved and, you would think, they were ready to be heading home at the end of the seven day religious festival. But their joy at celebrating in the Lord's presence and their exuberance at God's mercy changed things. "The whole congregation decided to observe seven more days, so they observed seven days with joy" (2 Chronicles 30:23, NIV). The people so thoroughly enjoyed being in God's presence with his people that the practical concerns of travelling at the right time and getting back to their businesses, lands, and families, simply did not seem all that important. These people, having already worshiped for a week, chose to stay and worship for another week!

And yet we watch our clocks to make sure the preacher doesn't go longer than his appointed time on Sunday mornings. We hesitate at the idea of going to a Bible Study in the middle of the week. We cringe at the thought of serving a neighbor in need because we have other things we need to get done. We excuse ourselves from helping someone whose car has broken down because we have a schedule to keep. These are just some of the ways that we can tell that our love for God has waned. When you're in love, you want to be with the person you love, you want to serve them, you want to spend every waking moment in their presence, regardless of practical concerns.  But when was the last time we felt that way about pleasing God and being in God's presence?

When people's love for each other wanes, both people are typically at fault to some degree. But in our relationships with God, God's attention and his desire for us have not changed. So instead of dreading or minimizing the time we spend with God, maybe we should do those things we used to do and re-cultivate our love for God.

When was the last time you were so caught up in God that you didn't care about where else you had to be or what else you had to do? If it's been a while, maybe it's time to re-cultivate your love for God. God's love for you hasn't changed.

He Was an OK Guy Before He Was Evil

Suggested Reading: 1 Kings 21:1-26

Mandy Moore once starred in a movie called A Walk to Remember, playing a devout Christian girl dying of Leukemia who falls in love with a boy named Logan. At the beginning of the movie, Logan is running around with a pretty bad crowd and ends up getting into a lot of trouble with the law. But when he falls in love with Moore's character and his friends begin changing, he ends up becoming an entirely different person until, when he again starts interacting with his old friends, even they begin behaving in a much less unlawful way.

The character arc reminds me, in reverse, of another, much more tragic story from the book of 1 Kings. King Ahab was known as an evil king. Not only did he promote the worship of idols, he was also responsible for some terrible atrocities. But when you read Ahab's story, you get the sense that he's not all that bad a guy. In fact, much of the time you end up feeling sorry for the guy. In many ways, his life was epitomized by the story of Naboth's vineyard.

Naboth owned a vineyard right up near the palace and Ahab had always wanted a vineyard near the palace. So Ahab approached Naboth about selling the vineyard to him at a very good price or possibly trading him for another vineyard in a different location. Naboth refused because the land had belonged to his family for generations. So Ahab went home and pouted. He whined and moaned and complained but he accepted Naboth's refusal. Only when Ahab's wife Jezebel got involved did things go wrong. Jezebel reminded Ahab that he was king and suggested he could have whatever he wanted. Then she arranged for Naboth to meet an untimely and humiliating death before presenting Naboth's vineyard to Ahab, who was thrilled to receive it. (1 Kings 21). At the end of his life, Ahab was warned by a prophet that the Lord was going to judge him severely for his acts of wickedness. Ahab put on sackcloth and mourned in humility and God sent Ahab a reprieve.

Ahab really does seem more like a pathetic figure than an evil guy. Except for one little detail. His wife. 1 Kings 21:25 reads, "Still there was no one like Ahab, who devoted himself to do what was evil in the Lord's sight, because his wife Jezebel incited him" (HCSB). From then on, all the evil kings of Israel were compared to Ahab. You see, Ahab's problem wasn't that he had a mind that functioned in an evil way. Ahab's problem was that he allowed himself to be influenced by evil people, Jezebel in particular. Ahab allowed himself to be dragged along and then got involved with someone else's evil mindset until it became his own.

But Ahab is not alone. I see people every day who get into trouble because they are involved with the wrong people, whether friends, co-workers, classmates or boyfriends and girlfriends. Especially boyfriends and girlfriends. Trying to please someone else, they always find themselves in trouble for things they would never do on their own. Sometimes, they even know that the problem is a person or group they shouldn’t be with but they just "can't help" the need they feel to be with them.  Sometimes they use the excuse that they are trying to witness to them or to influence them for Christ when everyone knows which direction the influence is really flowing.

Are you finding yourself in trouble for things you would never do on your own? When you find yourself in a bad or troublesome situation, is there a particular person or group that always seems to be around? If so, remove that person's influence from your life. Don't let yourself become another Ahab.

God Wants You to Complain. No, Really.

Suggested Reading: Psalm 44

When I was in seminary, I took several counseling courses. In one particular course we watched a video of a counselor and his patient in order to learn from the counselor's technique. In this video, a woman was being counseled and she described her life at home with her husband. One of the things that she complained about was that she didn't really feel like she could complain to her husband, that when she brought actual complaints or criticisms or just shared negative feelings that she had experienced that he couldn't handle it. Since then, I have encountered numerous people who share a similar sentiment about their spouse, partner, friends or co-workers. These people have significant complaints but never say anything because they either feel that the person cannot handle the complaints or that it simply isn't appropriate to make a complaint to that particular person, regardless of how justified it may be.

Sadly, I see many people carry over this same attitude toward God. People have issues with how God has provided for them or guided their circumstances. They feel that God hasn't been fair toward them or that God has simply ignored them and left them on their own. Yet these same people either feel that they will be struck down with a bolt of lightning if they complain to God or that it is somehow inappropriate to take their complaints to God, that it demonstrates a lack of faith or respect.

For those people, I want you to see what Psalm 44:23-26 says.

Wake up, Lord! Why are You sleeping?

Get up! Don't reject us forever!

Why do You hide Yourself and forget our affliction

and oppression?

For we have sunk down to the dust;

Our bodies cling to the ground.

Rise up! Help us!

Redeem us because of Your faithful love. (HCSB)

Scripture is filled with examples of people who complained to God. A large number of the Psalms are nothing more than people complaining to God and begging God to listen to them. Now, don't get me wrong, it is very possible to complain to God in a manner that is disrespectful and sinful. But God is not only capable of taking the honest cry of a desperate heart, God wants to hear that cry. There are times when God allows our circumstances to deteriorate simply because we need our focus to return to Him, because it is good for us to turn to God in prayer, even if it is a prayer of hurt and confusion.

God doesn't want empty prayers where we give God only what we think God can take. God is big enough to hear and handle our complaints. God is patient enough to know that sometimes we feel betrayed or hurt or lost or abandoned even in the midst of his promises to never leave us. God is big enough to handle our complaints and our desperation. Are we big enough to give them to God in faith?