Looking for Blame in All the Wrong Places

Suggested Reading: Proverbs 19:1-8

When my son was very young, he had a problem with assigning blame to the wrong people. For instance, he would trip because he wasn't paying attention and then say that he had been pushed by whomever was behind him.  Or he would trip into you and hit his nose on your leg because he couldn't stop fast enough and then say that you kicked him.  When something happened that hurt or was unpleasant he couldn't bring himself to understand that he had any responsibility for it. He always assumed it was someone else's fault.  It nearly drove me crazy, but he did grow out of it. Now I can trust that when he says, "Somebody pushed me," that someone probably did push him.

Unfortunately, when it comes to God, many of us never grow out of that stage.  Proverbs 19:3 describes this phenomenon: "A man's own foolishness leads him astray, yet his heart rages against the Lord" (HCSB) . Quite often we get ourselves into messes that we then blame on God.  We mishandle our finances and then blame God for not providing for us better. We ignore our spouse and children and then blame God when our family falls apart.  We  make an unwise relationship decision and then blame God for not bringing the "right" person into our life.

We rationalize our blame of God by saying that God is all-powerful and should have prevented the bad decision or that, God is supposed to be loving and so God shouldn't let us go through heartbreak or difficulty.  When the truth of the matter is, God is honoring our own decisions and letting the consequences of those decisions play out. But we would rather blame someone else than look at ourselves and admit where we've messed up, so we presume to arrogantly blame God for the messes we have created.

Fortunately, when we find ourselves facing the consequences for our actions, God does offer us hope. In 2 Chronicles 7:14 God warns the Israelites that when they suffer the consequences for their own bad decisions that "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land" (NIV).  God offers forgiveness and help in the wake of bad decisions and sinful choices, but we must be willing to "turn from our wicked ways" which is impossible if we can't own up to them. Oh, we may silently admit that we did something wrong and secretly commit to do better, but such commitments never last. Lasting change normally doesn't come until we are able to own up to what we have done rather than feel the need to hide it.

God wants to help us deal with the consequences of foolish decisions, but nothing can change while we are blaming God for our own mistakes. Let's own up to our mistakes and not waste time blaming God.

Batman, the Righteous Prostitute

Suggested Reading: Genesis 38

One of the compelling elements of superhero stories is the contradiction inherent in a person who illegally acts as a vigilante in order to fight crime and seek justice. Batman is a great example. Often chased by the police for his vigilante activity, Batman is also the only means of defeating many of the super-villains who attack Gotham City. In some tellings, Batman works with the police but it is often a secret relationship because Batman's work is technically illegal. Technically, Batman is breaking the law but he is trying to do the best he can in a desperate world.

In Genesis 38, Judah, one of the twelve sons of Israel, has three sons. His oldest marries a woman named Tamar but then dies. In accordance with the Old Testament laws of levirite marriage, Judah's second son also marries Tamar. But when the second son dies, Judah puts off giving his youngest son to Tamar, afraid the woman is a jinx. When Tamar realizes Judah is not going to follow through with his obligations of providing his youngest son as her husband, she dresses up as a prostitute and positions herself where she knows Judah will pass. Judah encounters her, propositions her, seals the deal, and then goes on his way, never realizing that he slept with his daughter-in-law. When Tamar shows up pregnant, Judah is furious and wants to have her executed for adultery. But when she provides evidence that she is pregnant with Judah's child, he changes his tone. He proclaims, "She is more righteous than I am, because I didn't arrange for her to marry my son Shelah" (Genesis 38:26, NLT).

At times, we see people in their sin and we want to pass judgment on them. A man leaves his wife and we want to judge him for infidelity or for giving up on his marriage. We see a young woman get pregnant out of wedlock and we want to label her as easy or promiscuous. Our child comes home from school with a note about the disturbance they created in P.E. and we want to jump all over them for being a problem child. And while the things these people have done are wrong, we rarely know when they are only doing something wrong because they don't know how to make a bad situation any better otherwise. Maybe that man is leaving because his wife is abusive. Maybe that young woman was trying to avoid losing the only man who ever showed her any positive attention. Maybe that child was defending himself from kids who know how to strike when the teacher isn't looking. Maybe they're all just being selfish. But maybe they have reasons.

The point is that we never know why people make the decisions they do. We never know if we would do the same thing - or something worse - if we were put in their place. So we should avoid judging people just because they do something wrong. Maybe they are just making bad choices. But maybe they are just desperate and need our help and prayers more than our condemnation. Their reasons never make the actions right but we should take a look at their circumstances before we start bringing the hammer down on people who mess up. After all, we can all wind up desperate.

Trying to Win Back Kimmie Gibler (One More Wife Will Fix The Problem)

Suggested Reading: Genesis 28:1-9

My wife and I were both big Full House fans growing up, so we naturally watched the Fuller House sequel series on Netflix. One of the ongoing story points throughout the first season dealt with Kimmie Gibler and her soon-to-be ex-husband. Fernando had cheated on Kimmie repeatedly and so she had kicked him out and asked for a divorce. Fernando was trying to win her back by being romantic and making grand gestures. And any of the things he did throughout the series probably would have been sweet. If it wasn't for the fact that he was trying to make up for repeated infidelities. He was trying to mix some good things in to all of the bad he had done (and was apparently still doing when the series began), hoping it would make everything alright. It took Fernando a long time of consistently being faithful to win back her trust.

In Genesis 28, Isaac and Rebecca decided to send their younger son, Jacob, off to find a wife from Rebecca's family. When they did so, their older son Esau finally realized that his parents didn't really like the multiple Canaanite wives he already had. So Esau came up with what he thought was a brilliant strategy to fix the problem.  Esau visited his uncle Ishmael’s family and married one of Ishmael’s daughters, in addition to the wives he already had. His new wife’s name was Mahalath. She was the sister of Nebaioth and the daughter of Ishmael, Abraham’s son. (Genesis 28:9, NLT). Esau thought that adding another wife to his collection would solve the problem.

Esau seemed to have a very common misunderstanding. Esau thought that he could mix one good decision in with all of his bad decisions and everything would suddenly be ok. Now, we could talk about whether adding another wife to the mix was really a good decision but that, too, is kind of the point. When we think we can make one good decision to counteract all of our bad decisions, we simply are not employing good judgment.

How often do we try to place all of our hope on studying for one final test when we have blown off all the others? Or suddenly try to pay our bills first when we have wasted our money for months, hoping we can avoid getting something cut off or repossessed? Or try to make up for a consistently bad witness with a single act of kindness so we can share the gospel with someone?

I'm sure it didn't take Esau long to realize that his parents still weren't thrilled with the women he married and that adding one more wife didn't really fix the problem. Trying to mix a "good" decision in with a slew of bad ones doesn't make everything ok. The only remedy for a lot of bad decisions is consistently making good decisions. Mixing in one good decision amounts to nothing but a poor excuse to feel better about ourselves.